Soul Custody began as the title I gave a journal as I wrote my way through healing from the divorce between my parents when I was a child. I sought to “gain custody of my own soul,” recalling how desperately I sought out who was right — the Truth between my parents’ polar opposite viewpoints on everything. I grew up wanting to be a lawyer thinking I could end their conflicts, which lasted well into my adult years, until they just didn’t speak anymore. I came to the conclusion that everyone has his or her own truth. What was missing from the equation, was mine.
I vowed never to get divorced. So when I met the man I wanted to marry, I performed a divorce ceremony on him to get it out of my system before we were married. Divorce would not be an option. We worked hard on our relationship for two decades of our lives, and we worked even harder on parenting. Two months after our 16th wedding anniversary, the divorce was final. I stood at a fork in the road with only two prongs: Repeat the third generation legacy of divorce on my mother’s side (she was 42 with three children, too), or repeat the third generation legacy of divorce, leaving a new legacy behind. I only had role models of what not to do, and this was enough to form a template for what to do.
The upheaval of divorce is like an earthquake. And if you don’t have a disaster plan, surviving well is less likely. Both of us had a clear idea on how to proceed: We knew if we could keep our focus on the children, we could spare them what I refer to as “excess trauma.” As best we could wrestle through issues, every decision ended up being what we thought best for them, even when we disagreed.
Four years after the divorce, I noticed that there seemed to be no context for our history together as a couple and as a family. I also felt past the adjustment to a new life of two homes and co-parenting. It felt time for closure and preservation. I created and performed my own Marriage Memorial Ceremony to honor the marriage and our children’s family life during the marriage.
And now, I want to help you create yours.
Soul Custody Press 